What I’ve learned about social media

First draft.

These past days I have experienced the negative side of social media. I often do not write on other profile posts but for some reason I did for a music band that I like. Their picture was one of them wearing disposable masks at a venue. In line with what I believe as a small detailed gesture wrote that it would be good to see them wearing reusable masks. I instantly received a reply from one of the band members explaining that the venue required them to wear the disposable ones but that they all have reusable ones. I thanked them for the reply, appreciated their use of the masks and said that I hope the venue could also make the changes. What I didn’t expect was a cascade of responses to my comment, and of course, not nice ones either.

I read the comments, took them in, but felt no need to respond. This does no good especially because what I noticed, and I guess have always noticed about social media and such threads is that we often misread. We read words in accordance with how we are feeling at the time of reading those words and thus any and all words are distorted. And all too often we read comments already ‘armed in defence, prepared for the attack.’ It seems that everything nowadays is an attack.

One of the persons who responded to my message sent me another message commenting on one of my personal posts of which they pointed out that I needed to look at my own actions before commenting on others. I responded that they were right and that I am working on this every day. And I thanked them for sharing and bringing about awareness. I also explained about the image to which they were commenting on.

And it was in the explanation of this image that I noticed something that also played a role in the initial comment I made. This is all to do with the lack of context.

One of social medias major weaknesses is that the restrictive nature of word count or snap of a photo is the lack of context for this to be placed in. It creates the ‘jumping to conclusions’ that we often make, myself included. And this is one of my lessons I am constantly practicing. I often pause to reflect on the information that I receive, looking at it from different perspectives. But I am not perfect and I do make those ‘one dimensional’ responses.

There is though a downside to all this ‘reflection’ and that is the action of inaction. Because so many things have a reason, this may lend to the result of not doing or saying anything, just in case it is wrong and I want to spare myself with the pain of being shamed. I think it is a balancing act between ‘doing’ and ‘learning’.

I felt bad inside when I had received the first reply from the band noticing the mistake I made. But I was made to feel even worse by every one else’s comments. I felt physically sick. What can I do?

I could decide to keep my mouth shut from now on. I could decide to keep going and ignore the emotions that action may bring. Or I could keep going and use these emotions as indicators for continued learning, always asking myself ‘what is the lesson?’

This latter is probably the most useful if I want to grow.

I suddenly realised one thing about social media that I have always disliked and that was the “I”. That people would showcase the “I” — I am doing this, this is where I am, this is who I am with and so on. After this experience I am starting to understand why the “I” is the most common.

I can see how the “I” can be negative in which it is used to seek external validation or attention (something I have personally experienced) but there is also the positive in that it keeps the content (relatively) safe.

This led me into a further understanding and lesson — people do not like being told what to do, even if it is a suggestion or observation. And that is why the “I” remains safe. And thus, I am not telling you what to do, I am simply telling you what I do.

This thinking and experience also triggered some other observations and lessons about social media.

In keeping with the observation of the need for the human to be seen, to be visible is what has made social media important. I can understand and myself have experienced what this means. I can easily ‘disappear’ and feel that I have been forgotten. This is not healthy and is unnatural which is why there is a craving for attention. It is not necessarily selfish but in fact a biological need.

And yet, the opposite also can happen. Social media can exacerbate that feeling of being forgotten, being invisible. I don’t know if there is a source of this problem that can be fixed (i.e. algorithms?) or something else that I have yet to understand and learn. Believing that social media can help with being visible is something that I need to let go of.

This then leads me to the importance of being clear with why I am on and using social media. I think these can be good platforms to learn and practice but I need to take it lightly.

So, in moving forward, I am keeping in mind the following lessons:

* Stick with “I” — I am only speaking about myself.

* Always remember about the invisible context.

* Keep observing any emotions that come from posting.

* Some emotions may require a bit more compassion and it helps to ask “what is the lesson?”

• Take it lightly.

And something else to remind me as said by Brené Brown says “I am not here to be right, I am here to get it right.”